Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
