One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
