The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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