dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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