i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I look better un-naked...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
