I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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