There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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