I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
