she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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