youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
