in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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