So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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