It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
