So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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