On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
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