His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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