just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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