Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
