i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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