You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
