HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you still have your period?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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