i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
