if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
