I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
