is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
