I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
