I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
