there's paper in my vomit.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
