you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
