We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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