When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
