im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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