I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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