I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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