I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
send nudes
from the living room?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
