Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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