Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
