is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dignity is for republicans.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize