i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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