who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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