On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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