Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
