I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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