Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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