420 ftw
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
