god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
