remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
