it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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