this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I would ride that face into the sunset
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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