from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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