To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
