We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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