Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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