While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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