More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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