so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
