he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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