As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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