spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
sex in a hospital.. check
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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