My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize