Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
