Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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