He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize