so explain again why im purple
no
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
