Non-Jews are for practice
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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