tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
