I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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