she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Blood and glitter go together right?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
