Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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