Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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