I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
