The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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