I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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