take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
