is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
