I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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