fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
