I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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