Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
